The Dieter's Paradox

There's a bit of a Catch-22 when it comes to all this. If you truly love and accept yourself, how can you want to change yourself? Aren't these two ideas complete opposites?

I guess the shortest answer is: it depends. It matters what your desires to change are based upon. If you look in the mirror and say "I hate (insert body part)," then you aren't actually accepting yourself. If you look at a magazine and think "I wish I looked like (insert celebrity or model)," then your desire to change is not based in improving yourself.

I think that if you do really love yourself, the idea isn't so much about change, but about preserving and improving. You want to be the best version of yourself. You want to push yourself to be better, not just more fit. It's why we continue to go to school, earning bachelor's and master's degrees. It's why we sign up for marathons or Italian lessons.

The thing we absolutely don't want to be is stagnant. You'd never set about trying to compose a masterpiece when you don't know how to play the piano, right? You accept that that's not one of your skills. You accept that you're better at math than writing. You can accept all different aspects of yourself except your appearance. That doesn't make much sense!
I strongly believe that you can't succeed in change if your desire to change is based on outside forces. It has to come from within. That's why it's so hard. Think about the people that are told they have high cholesterol or blood pressure or diabetes that then go on to change their lives. They do because their health is at risk. It's no longer about aesthetics, it's about survival.

If it were easy to change because we want to look good on the beach, then we'd all have done it by now. One of the reasons it's not easy is because we haven't accepted ourselves and, therefore, our goals are all off. I'd love to have legs like Gisele, but that's not going to happen. Ever. First of all, I'm 5'5". But, does that mean I can't have fit legs? No way. I just have to accept who I am and make a decision about what fit legs means for me.

Of course, I'm always going to push myself to do more, to be more. I keep coming back to the idea of balance. I have it in so many places in my life. This is one area where it's hard for me, but I'm gaining perspective. Sometimes the harder thing is easing up.

Eating While Hungry

I'm not really sure what to write here. My thoughts? Struggles? Insights? Tell me what you think!

Did you ever notice that the worst time to eat is when you're hungry? Or really, the hardest time to keep your resolve is when you're hungry?

That happened to me today. I was *trying* to run some errands after work today. After getting turned around, "accidentially" driving in the HOV lanes (I was real low on gas, I couldn't afford to sit in traffic), finding the most expensive gas station in the DMV (seriously, I checked, it was outrageous), spending more than an hour driving three miles through the city to get a gift at a place that turns out not to carry it, I was starving.

And I was across the street from McDonalds.

So I went in.

Yea, you read that right. That's what this is all about.

I messed up in planning on zipping around town during rush hour and getting everything taken care of in a few minutes. I knew I'd be hungry around 5-5:30, but didn't have anything in the works or in my bag. I didn't know how long it would take me to get home, but I knew I'd be unstoppable once I got there.

Fast food doesn't have to be terrible. I didn't have to order everything on the menu. Or supersize my meal. Or even get a meal. I just had to get enough. But I didn't get a salad (I hate salads, more on that in the future). I got a 6 piece nuggets and a small smoothie. Because it's about listening to yourself and thinking about what you want.

Hunger can really overwhelm the signals. A 20 piece nugget meal sounded great, but that really wasn't practical. Or reasonable.

Reflecting on this, I probably should have gotten a water. I was really thirsty and that smoothie didn't do anything to quench my thirst. But this is a learning experience.

Welcome to the diet-free life

I've been on a diet almost my whole life. I've struggled with my weight almost my whole life.

Recently I've just become so tired of it all. It has to end. I have to get a grip over it. I have to be in charge of the food, not the other way around.

Do you have those friends that seem to eat whatever they want, when they're hungry, and stop when they're full? They don't agonize over menu choices. They eat what their bodies need. I want to be like that. I want to be in control, to have moderation.

I thought I could do this all on my own, but I realize that I do need to write about it. For me, I need to get some thoughts down on paper ("paper" haha). And maybe what I say can help someone else. It's a journey, but we all need guidance once in a while.

So, welcome to my journey.